HEALTHY BEHAVIORS

• Speaking in a calm voice
• Asking questions to clarify
• Thinking before speaking
• Not interrupting
• Making regular eye contact (no glaring)
• Stick to only one issue
• Breathe calmly, stay relaxed
• Be proud of everything you say
• Be responsible for everything you say
• Focus on solutions, not “who wins” the disagreement
• Paraphrase what the other person is saying
• Be open to compromise and negotiation
• Be flexible and willing to change your mind
• Pass up chances to insult, attack or criticize
• Listen carefully instead of thinking of what you will say next
• Take time-outs as needed

UNHEALTHY BEHAVIORS

• Yelling, Screaming
• Calling someone names
• Rolling your eyes or making faces
• Looking for things to criticize
• Getting stuck in the past
• Interrupting before someone stops talking
• Hit, push, shove, or just threaten to do so
• Standing up and yelling or speaking loudly
• Running away from the issue
• Wanting to get the last word in
• Attacking the other’s personality
• Using generalizations like “always” or “never”
• Acting superior
• Ignoring people
• Telling people how to run their lives
• Saying “forget it,” “tough,” “I don’t care,” “so what,” or anything that ignores the other’s concerns
• Insult
• Telling people they are stupid, weird, crazy
• Calling people names like: fat, ugly, stupid, worthless, crazy, dumb
• Putting people down in front of others
• Telling people you wish they were dead or didn’t belong